the slow list

Slow List is now Here

2006-01-18T15:31:00.000-05:00

That is to say, here: slowlist.com

Overheard at the Coffee Shop

2005-09-06T16:52:00.000-04:00

Says the gentlemen with the sun-aged skin and the yellowed mustache:

I better get out of here before I fall in love with something. Maybe the chair. It's the music.

Beware the Buddha, 2005_08_13

It's a seahorse Ellen, a sea-horse!

2005-08-14T20:21:00.000-04:00

So says some tourist, as if angry, apropos something interesting no doubt.

A grey pear-shaped man steps into the room. His eyes do that thing eyes do when the body attached is aroused. His eyes on my notebook computer.

Is that a 600?

Is that a 600? he repeats. Because I just got a 600. I saw the IBM on the back, so I thought it might be the 600.

This is a T-twenty . . . three.

Cause I just got a 600, I thought that--

But sweet merciful Jesus swept me up in his thick, carpenter's arms, and carried me up, up and away from it all.

Charlottetown Waterfront, 2005_06_30

Quaterback Controversy

2005-08-11T21:14:00.000-04:00

Say it. C'mon, say it again! Say "quarterback controversy" one more goddamn time Chris.

What Two Kids, Collectively Aged 6, Are Eating While Mom is on the Email

2005-07-11T15:33:00.000-04:00

1. 2 Hot chocolates with whipped cream.
2. One to two dozen suckers, a half dozen of which are open and in various stages of being consumed.
3. A Lollipop-on-a-Ring onto which a kind of sour sugar is squirted from an applicator.
4. 2 Double Fudge Brownies

Gladys Ellen, Cat of Cats

2005-07-10T13:34:00.000-04:00

Last night I walked into the living room to see Gladys standing in the middle of the coffee table, stradding a lit candle while eating flowers out of a vase. As it turns out, I would have had time to find my camera and take a picture. Gladys was not aflame, was not even singed, but flaming cat smells so awful it's best not to take chances.

In other Gladys news of burning importance: Gladys Ellen, Etcetera! is up and running, unlike G.E. herself who is down and snoozing on the couch. (The font used for the title is called Brad, and was designed by Mike Lecky).

The title of this post has nothing to do with this brilliant bit of poetry, which I found after. After, I tell you.

Original Gladys 2005_05_29

Karbazog was Killed by a Female Bandit Somewhere in the Forest.

2005-07-05T20:35:00.000-04:00

This, the slow list's first list is taken from the computer game Ancient Domains of Mystery. ADOM is a privately developed roguelike game which I was playing some months ago. It has a nice character generation and skill system and is plenty difficult for an inept adventurer like me. So, as excerpted from the "high" scores, in no particular order:

Nine Farmers and What They Bought:

1. Blieboleith was scorched by a fiery explosion.

2. Feye was blasted with magic missiles by Keethrax, the black druid.

3. Derfrine was frozen to death by an ice storm.

4. Fharg died of acute blood poisoning.

5. Chajuay was killed by Kranf Niest, the mad doctor.

6. Ultho got her head smashed by a stone block.

7. Jolm was digested by a giant slug.

8. Mielstuyn was wasted away by the terrible black fever.

9. Julk drowned.

Stockpile for the 2nd Coming, Kent St., 2005_06_21

Happy Canada Day

2005-07-01T19:44:00.000-04:00

A belated happy Canada Day to all! Long live back-posting!

Canada Day in C'Town City Centre

Future's so Bright I Gotta Wear Shades

2005-06-27T16:00:00.000-04:00

"Pessimists, a study found, are at greater risk of becoming demented, as are depressives. Atmospheric scientists reported that the world is getting brighter. Archaeologists in England found a 2,000-year-old shoe near Wellington. Toads were exploding in Hamburg."

I so love the dada-esque contrasting of facts that is Harper's "Findings" section. (Available in print and on the web!)

The title of this post comes from this tune by the annoyingly named Timbuk 3, though the song I had in mind was actually by The Suburbs. Incidentally, if you are the person I leant my Suburbs album to, I would like it back please.

The Garbage Fields

2005-06-23T15:40:00.001-04:00

There was no great uproar when the seagulls began to disappear. Later, when their flocks had dwindled to next to nothing, even the most die-hard activists still had occasion to remind themselves that all animals had a right to survival, even the filthy and pest ridden, even the garbage eaters, the shrill and unglamorous.

Initial efforts at both rescue and protection were haphazard and underfunded. Charitable events were perpetually underway and efforts were made to reabilitate the reputation of the seagull by training a team of feathery mascots who roved the province, flocking to parks and ballgames, appearing at family events on the waterfront to flip burgers with their awkward wingtips. More than a few people embraced the shift from animal to imitator and some talk to replacing squirrels with underemployed teenagers in furry suits was bandied about.

When even the docks and the dumps were almost empty of seagulls and the decline became uncontestable, governmental purse strings loosened slightly. Another problem became the larger problem’s peak: It seemed that there were simply no experts on the doomed birds anywhere. Experts seemed to abound in every other field of ornithological study, save the common coastal seagull. There were professors and possessors of great wisdom on the common pigeon, on the Shy Albatros and the Black Headed Gull, experts on extinct species of gull like the Javanese Lapwing, but when it came right down to it, no one knew much about seagulls. The whole situation would have been a bit embarrassing to both the scientific community and the involved governmental agencies had the public generally given a damn.

Lacking the guidance of experts, and unwilling to wait the four to six years it would take for a university or college to produce qualified researchers, let alone an un-qualified answer to the problem, the plans for the future of the gulls were drawn randomly from a barrel of essays submitted to Capital City Hall by interested citizens. The barrel was borrowed from the Bingo Hall two blocks distant, where it was used most often to select the weekly winner of the 50-50 draws. A retired soybean farmer from the eastern end of the province had his plan chosen. He received a fifty-dollar coupon for shopping from the Capital City’s Downtown Merchants Cabal. In following with the fortunate farmer’s winning plan a substantial section of the Capital City park system was devoted to the revival of the seagull. Garbage, compost and offal of all kinds was gathered and spread on fields and parking lots near the waterfront.

Row upon row of seagull habitat now browns under the sun, and the scent of hope floats out across the harbour. The seagull has a long road to recovery still to travel, but hopes are soaring higher every day.

More Lochlan

2005-06-17T15:50:00.000-04:00

More new photos of that dashing hero for the under two set: Lochlan!

I'm playing around with a few ideas for a new photoblog. You can check out the current state of experimentation here.

Tigers, lions, and zebras! Oh my! 2005_06_09

Slow List Lurches to Life

2005-06-13T17:10:00.000-04:00

The Slow List is now (a)live. It looks nice in Firefox and, now, fairly similar in other browsers.

Update: Thanks to Casey for his advice on comments. They are now pretty.

Lochlan Martin, Man About Town has also been updated recently.

Today I Saw Haley Wickenheiser Choosing an Ice Cream Flavour

2005-06-11T22:45:00.000-04:00

In the shopping mall an eight year old girl does a full body double take. She stands in front of the mall merchant’s display, looking into the cardboard eyes of current Canadian Idol, Kaylan Porter. She tilts her head to consider him from a couple of angles while she twists her hair. She twists her hair, long and blonde like Kaylan’s, around her fingers, making a fist of ringlets. Kaylan Porter Party, she repeats to herself.

Haley Wickenheiser is still squinting through the sneeze shield into the buckets of hard serve. Wowie Cowie or Monkey Moo. She wonders.

Aww, I Want an Antiterror Head Too!

2005-06-11T19:14:00.000-04:00

Headline from the New York Times:
Antiterror Head Will Help Choose an F.B.I. Official

Below: Antiterror Head chooses an accessory.

Lochlan Update

2005-05-26T15:54:00.000-04:00

New photos of my nephew Lochlan are here.

What Might Happen Here

2005-05-10T16:31:00.000-04:00

Change header to image.
Randomize header image and have background colour and possibly text change color according to image.
Maybe change the font.
Create a second blog in the sidebar so I can update/alter the sidebar entries more easily.
Find a nicer looking list format.

Interwebetry

2005-05-01T18:28:00.000-04:00

A couple of links from two of my favoured web sites:

A fundraiser for WFMU with Yo La Tengo playing cover songs, found on Mocking Music.

From Hitachi via Acts of Volition, an old-school-style flash animation hyping the benefits of perpendicularity.

Crawling Through April

2005-04-25T14:46:00.000-04:00

April showers the ashfalt clean.
Earthworms scrape their skins trying
to tunnel up into the visitors parking.

Good With Kids

2005-04-23T23:22:00.000-04:00

Think I can clear those wires across the street?
He asked, standing in the street, sizing up the distance, and not really looking at me as I walked by.

Nah. Doubt it.
The pale pudge of his upper arm wobbles slightly as he flings a stone.

You only cleared one,
I called back over my shoulder, condescending.

He yelled as he winged one sidearm over the wires and into the sun. It appeared not to fall. I kept walking. As I neared the end of the street a stone skipped quickly across the pavement behind me. It struck the heel of my shoe, harmless. I kept walking and reached behind to slowly scratch the back of my head, just below the brim of my hat, with my middle finger—to help him feel he’d accomplished something.